Pregnancy at the Menopause Mafia

Did I ever tell you that this site is named after my two older sisters who suffer from hot flashes and sticky spots left by those hormone patches? In fact one of them is old enough to be out of the menopause by now. I’m explaining, because if not it will cause some confusing when I say…..I’m pregnant!!!!!!

It’s about freakin’ time!

Captain Wentworth and I had been work, work, working at this for a little while (TMI moment).  I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t obsessing over getting my period or not and BANG! I’m finally going to be a parent, joyfully embracing my job as a Mom and preparing to unleash another genetic smart-ass on the world. I couldn’t be more excited.

Or more sick.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing!

What a complete load of shit. Pregnancy is the most miserable state of joyfulness you will ever experience. Unless you are a freak who’s body does not betray them with nausea, vomiting, flatulence, constipation, exhaustion and mood swings. I’ve left the bizarre cravings off that list because they are in a class by themselves.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. ~Phyllis Diller

This is all a shock to me. No one had ever explained these things to me my dear reader, and I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.  I’ve always heard people say to pregnant women  “you’re glowing” and “you look radiant” and “there’s nothing as beautiful as an expectant mother” or my favorite “pregnancy suits you.”

WTF? Are people just being nice? Or are they blind the to green tinge your skin has right before you puke in the waste basket under your desk? “Pregnancy suits you” is this one used by Frenemies to snidely say you look like shit?

Does that mean I don’t recommend being preggers? NO! It does not mean that!

All I’m try to do is prepare you for what might happen. After all, I didn’t know I was pregnant. I thought I had the stomach flu and was about to drag myself in to the doctor for help. DOH!

All of this will all be worth it when they hand me my little bundle of joy! After all, women do this over and over again after going through it once, right?

Author: AnneElliot

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2 Comments

  1. Loved the article! I’m sure you are happy and beautiful as the green tinge you turn while leaning under your desk ! I’m sure it’s the most beautiful shade ever !! I hear you forget ALL about it !!

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  2. I, of course, agree whole-heartedly with that fabulous Phyllis Diller quote (I dressed as her for Halloween one year….anyway). Being an, ahem, “older” preggers lady has a little bit to do with the confusion about not “glowing” as much as feeling wiped out. I say this as an older momma myself.

    Those charming comments were not made for me, I can tell ya that. But what the heck, it’s an adventure like no other so enjoy and I’ll keep ya a pretty as a princess. Congrats!

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