I have a few addictions-books-caffeine- shoes.Â I realize why the first two are addictive but why do women have a fetish for shoes?
I have a theory.Â It all comes from fairy tales.
Of all the fairy tales we read as little girls the one that affected me the most is Cinderella.Â The moral of the story “you must be wearing great shoes to meet a prince” has blossomed into an addiction to shoes.Â I know that somewhere in the back of my mind I truly believe thatÂ you must be wearing the correct pair of shoes to meet a prince-thus my affection for shoes.Â Which is not actually affection, Iâ€™m just looking for a pair of the damn things that arenâ€™t broken!Â I have some fabulous shoes and none of the damn things work.Â A couple pair have lead toÂ princes who were gay or married.Â A couple pairs have lead me to very bad men. Shoe fail!
I know the exact pair of shoes I was wearing when I met both of my biggest heartbreaks. The day I met the BFF (his nickname is another story) I was wearing a pair of flat ankle boots in a light gray. It was 1985 those were stylish. A beautiful pair of Nine West rose pumps cut outs across the toes that I was wearing the day I met, letâ€™s call him â€œMr.Bigâ€ (he turned out to be Richard Wright), have been incinerated in the outdoor gas grill. I loved those shoes but I could never take the chance of wearing the damn things again.
I take this very seriously now.Â Itâ€™s not odd to see me having a â€œCome to Jesusâ€ meeting with a pair of pumps in the morning as Iâ€™m getting dressed.
It sounds something like this:
Me: Okay, we are going out there as a team —that means you are not allowed to draw the crazies like you did last week at that charity fundraiser.
Pink Snakeskin Pump: It wasnâ€™t me, you were wearing that uppity pair of Louis Vuittonâ€™s you love so much!
Me: BS! It’s was you andÂ if you continue to have such shitty taste in men youâ€™re going back in the box and Iâ€™m duct taping it shut!Â Youâ€™re a Jimmy Choo for goodness sakes, have some pride!
Pink Snakeskin Pump: Whatever! That one guy was cute, you didnâ€™t have to keep him, and I just wanted to dance with him!
So do you see the problem? Too many flipping fairy tales! We’ve got princes, talking shoes and are all running around looking for the perfect pair of glass slippers that will lead us to our very own â€œHappily Ever After.â€ What does everyone expect- Walt Disney and that damn talking teapot have been no help.
We grow up reading stories about princes and evil stepmothers, frogs and more princes, witches and mirrors. The older woman is always evil, the prince shows up to save the princess and they never have an argument about the laundry, the kids or the toilet seat being left up.Â She ends up with a family that loves her unconditionally; the prince always defends her and would never look as another womanâ€™s ass. What crap! Let’s rewrite these fairy tales for our daughters!
I would do that, the whole re-write thing but Iâ€™m going shopping at Filenes Basement with the Mafia. Weâ€™re looking for purses and sunglasses-I swear!