I had been dreaming of torching that mutha’ for four years. Oh, the relief! I have worked these last few years with the biggest bunch of dickheads I’ve ever met. It was a place where you can only succeed if  you’re male and brown nose the boss. Work ethic and performance do not count.

Some people need to be left behind

I heard from a few people the usual career advice “Don’t burn those bridges you might want to go back across.” But what if the company is the industry joke? What if your career suffered by association? There are some people you need to disassociate yourself from, a “taking out the trash” if you will.

Here’s to a group of Assclowns that I will not mind breaking ties with

I think the best part is hearing that my boss was surprised that I would just walk away.  No raises, shitty benefits and high stress caused by the constantly changing priorities. Less pay and even less upward mobility for women. Wow, what’s not to love? In short, a crappy company and a boss who think he’s still in the 1990′s when he last had success.

The future is brighter when lit by a burning bridge

I fell just short of my original plan, the one where I stand up in the middle of a meeting and say “You sir, are a Fucktard!” in my best southern accent. In the end walking away was more beneficial than working the last few days and taking more abuse for a measly paycheck.

It’s about freakin’ time!

Captain Wentworth and I had been work, work, working at this for a little while (TMI moment).  I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t obsessing over getting my period or not and BANG! I’m finally going to be a parent, joyfully embracing my job as a Mom and preparing to unleash another genetic smart-ass on the world. I couldn’t be more excited.

Or more sick.

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing!

What a complete load of shit. Pregnancy is the most miserable state of joyfulness you will ever experience. Unless you are a freak who’s body does not betray them with nausea, vomiting, flatulence, constipation, exhaustion and mood swings. I’ve left the bizarre cravings off that list because they are in a class by themselves.

WTF? Are people just being nice? Or are they blind the to green tinge your skin has right before you puke in the waste basket under your desk? “Pregnancy suits you” is this one used by Frenemies to snidely say you look like shit?

Does that mean I don’t recommend being preggers? NO! It does not mean that!

All I’m try to do is prepare you for what might happen. After all, I didn’t know I was pregnant. I thought I had the stomach flu and was about to drag myself in to the doctor for help. DOH!

All of this will all be worth it when they hand me my little bundle of joy! After all, women do this over and over again after going through it once, right?

The exchange of goods for sex within a monogamous relationship is not considered prostitution, it’s just a compromise.

Here are two recipes you’ll love. The red Sangria has a hint of cinnamon and the Blackberry is a sweeter version rich with berries.

This is one of my absolute favorite drinks, a fruity Sangria with a little splash of cinnamon. Delicious! It’s easy to make, but it does work best with a particular brand of Sangria mix. Monin makes a few different kinds of Sangria mix, this recipe calls for the Red.

Sangria

1 1/2 liters red wine

2 1/4 cups orange juice

1 1/4 cups Monin Red Sangria mix

5 oz. brandy

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

We were recently sitting around shooting the shit when a dear friend told us about her boy friend meeting her at the door in his Man Panties or to be more specific boxers. He announced that he was all sweaty and was going to jump in the shower.  We all thought “Awwww, how cute. He was making an offer.” This makes a girl feel wanted, even if it’s a cheesy hit. What we didn’t realize was that our buddy didn’t get it, and when we say “it” we mean she didn’t know that he was offering a romp in the shower. So, she didn’t get “it” at all since she was hanging out on the couch while he was in the shower.

Who taught you about romance Larry Flynt?

When we discussed this situation and why she wouldn’t view this as an invitation to play soapy spank spank, our friend was appalled at the idea of getting her hair wet when she just walked in the door. What if they wanted to go out? Do something? She would be un-presentable. [insert rolling laughter here] We suggested a shower cap or sticking your head out of the curtain.

Try harder!

The thing that really makes us laugh about this story is the poor guy who thought that showing up sporting some ratty Man Panties- is a sure fire way to get our friend out of her clothes. Romance is dead if Man Panties and shower are the best you can do.

I’m not so crazy about the HBO version of this authors books. I can live with the gratuitous sex, the bad acting and the cheesy sets. What I’m having a hard time with is the way HBO is screwing with the story.

I was waiting for Bubba, I know you where too

The line up of characters has changed.  No Bubba, Jessica has been added and we have yet to see Claude. I mean Tara is black, poor and this season she’s a lesbian. I guess it’s okay then that they left out J.B. du Rone. I have to admit that this change to the stories is one of my big pet peeves, well that and the time spend with all the other characters. I guess I just wanted them to be more true to the books.

Eric is still hot and the character we love (except for the foil wraps)

Even with the weird changes in the character line up it’s a fun watch most of the time. Defiantly not for the family since there are scenes that include gang rape, bondage and worse (thinking of the twisted neck on Lorena here).  This Sookie is a new person we haven’t met- after all how many times have you seen this one cleaning the house? The thing to know here for those of you who have not read the books is that this is not the same story or the same characters as Charlaine Harris wrote them. Reading them after watching the HBO series will be an unexpected treat.

Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. ~ Re-post if you have at least one person like this in your life.

Now- let me tell you this did not go unnoticed by some of the family. There were comments posted back and forth and the usual drama I-can’t-believe- you said-that-shit went on for a bit. Family comes first, we always support you, how dare you and the basic WTF?

It made me think about how inappropriate people are on sites like Facebook.

I mean seriously? Does a fifty-plus year old woman need to post like this…. with the “re-post if you’re a douche” at the end?

Why not just grow a pair and call those people you always seem to insult on Facebook and just tell them you like your high school friends better and get it the fuck over with. Then we can all get back to important stuff like playing bubble burst games and Farmville.

There’s something disturbing about what’s going on on Facebook. It seems to suck the common sense out of people. They are now posting the most boring, mundane, rude, ugly, and dirty thoughts on their Facebook streams. Most of the time they manage all of those in the same day. It makes for entertaining reading, but leaves nothing to the imagination.

When did it become okay to put in writing things you would never say out loud?

What the hell are we all going to have to fight about at Christmas if this shit keeps up?

Next subject- Becoming the most overexposed housewife on Facebook, ten signs this could be you!